Always the Mistress Never the Mrs.

Sourec: http://justmytype.ca/
Another weekend, another one-night stand. The cute guy you slept with from the bar still hasn’t called. The guys that do contact you only text, (and only after midnight). You get asked out to meet for a drink but never for dinner. Any of these situations sound familiar?
These scenarios are far too common amongst single females, and unfortunately, a lot of the times we don’t know why we are stuck in the same patterns – attracting men who don’t want to commit.
I’m not saying that commitment and true love is the be-all and end-all for everyone. There are definitely Samanthas out there that consider sex a sport, and dating as sheer entertainment. If that works for you then, hey – all the more power to you. But many, if not most single women, actually want sex, dating and courtship to result in one thing… love.
But after countless dates, hooking up and still no ring, it is apparent that there is something that these women have in common. Men want to sleep with them, but don’t want to date them. If your dating and sex strategy (or lack of strategy, that is) isn’t working for you, here are a few reasons that may explain it:

You’re easy

You ooze sex, smell like sex and give up sex easily. Opportunistic men will jump at the chance to get a few drinks in you hoping to get you in bed at the end of the night. But you wake up alone.
When men see you as sexual prey first and foremost, they are blinded to all the other great stuff you have to offer. Not your good heart, your inner domestic goddess, your charming personality or resemblance to their mother. Nope, they see the one thing you’ve presented as your value: sex.
Men who want to settle down do not want to take home the woman who sleeps around. They want to feel proud of their “catch” and be able to introduce you to their friends and family. So what can you do? It’s simple. Stop putting out so easily. Stop pushing out sex as your main attraction and you may find that men will start to notice all the other things about you that make you special.
If you put out quickly and easily, men will automatically assume that you’re doing the same thing with a bunch of other dudes – and that isn’t something their egos find attractive. They automatically put you in the “don’t take seriously” pile which explains why they don’t make an effort to date you.

You’re a golddigger

You meet a rich guy and imagine how you life would be without having to work another 9-5 again. You salivate over the nice bags, trips and fine dinners of your future.
While that fantasy may play out in an episode of Desperate Housewives, it doesn’t work out in reality. When you date a man in hopes that he’s your lottery ticket out of middle class, you’ll only end up being disappointed.
First, dating a rich guy does not mean there is a transfer of his wealth to you. You get a leased lifestyle. This means you have to return it once he finds someone newer and prettier. Second, these bachelors aren’t rookies to the game. And you are definitely not the one to break their sugar-daddy cherry. They are not naive to the fact that the reason you’re with them is because of their financial status – and often have no intention of committing to you.The fairytale usually ends like this: the dude finds another flavor of the month, and you end up 10 pounds heavier from the wining and dining with a few new designer bags. He continues playing the field and you end up alone.

You sleep with taken men

Research shows that men rarely leave their wives for the person they’ve cheated with. And even if they do, often the relationship that begins with deception usually ends in deception. In fact, according to Dr. Phil, “relationships born out of affairs survive less than 5 percent of the time.” You can lie to yourself all you want, justify and live in denial believing you really are the special one – but the reality is, he’s not going to end up with you. Plus, you’ll have a ton of karma, guilt (if you have a conscience that is) and shame to deal with at some point. It’s a lose-lose situation. There are over 18,000,000 single men in America alone; surely there is one in that sea of fish that could be a better soul mate?

You have no substance

You gab about clothes, celebrities and other fluff stuff that nobody really cares about (except for your BFF and hairstylist). You think that working in retail or as a waitress at Cactus Club is a career path. There is nothing wrong with this scenario – if you’re in your teens or early twenties. But if you’re looking for a husband, you need to have substance. Your passions, ambitions, stories… that’s what makes an individual interesting. If you don’t show any of your substance, it really doesn’t matter how pretty you are, because eventually, pretty gets familiar, and then it gets old.
You’d think that the points raised in this article are common sense – but why do so many females constantly repeat their dating strategies even when it clearly doesn’t work? Part of it has to do with issues of self-worth and self-esteem. Another part of it has to do with what the mainstream media teaches us. The mass media inundates us with images, stories and celebrities where females are sex objects. What they don’t tell us is that this positioning of women is really meant to serve the male. We are trained that being pretty and sexual is how you win a man. So what do we do? We use our looks and sex to play the game, hoping to win validation and love in return. This strategy doesn’t result in love, in fact quite the opposite, chipping away at our self-esteem. Then we’re back at square one, repeating the cycle in a quest to find love and validation.
If you want to find true, committed love, the first step is changing your mentality. Respect your body and be respected. Love yourself, and you will be open to receiving love from others. Find ways that nurture your confidence and empowerment that doesn’t involve using your looks or sex. For example, perhaps a weekend in with good girlfriends is healthier for your soul than trolling a nightclub for men who are looking just to have fun. And when making decisions about who to invest your time in and who to share your body with, ask yourself if it’s taking you closer to finding love (both with another and with yourself) or further away.

Gettting Over an Ex

Source: http://justmytype.ca/
Do know that this is a normal and natural phase to go through – and it is just that, a phase that will pass. You are mourning, your brain is still wired with attachment to this person. You can feel physical pain as your brain craves that attachment and doesn’t get it. A study from the book The Chemistry Between Us by Dr. Larry Young notes that relationship separation causes an anxiety and pain similar to what a drug addict experiences when fiending for another fix.
But the less of him you see, the less he will be in your thoughts. And slowly, your heart will heal. Sometimes you’ll go through a setback, and feel like no progress has been made at all. But the journey of healing is one that goes up and down, and hopefully, with a positive trend upward in the grand scheme of things.
Whatever he did to hurt you, it likely came from an unhealthy place. Perhaps one of fear, insecurity, lack of self-worth or disconnection. Hurt people hurt people. So while it may look like he’s moved forward on the outside, the hurt he had in the inside while he was with you, is still likely still within him. And sooner or later, in some shape or form, it’ll out in his present relationship too.
That’s the way unresolved issues go – they keep reappearing, relationship after relationship, until the person finally decides to work on it, heal from it, and move forward.
I know you may not be able to feel it now, but as someone who has been exactly where you are, and has come out of the suffering, I’m telling you – it gets better. And trust that there is a bigger plan out there for you – you were meant to go through this to evolve into the next part of you.
Remember, when it doesn’t work with someone in the present, it’s because it’s meant to work out with someone else in your future. Each relationship that comes and goes happens to prepare you for the next one, and the next – until you finally are at the right point to meet the person you’re meant to be with

Differences Between Dating a Boy vs a Man

When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.
“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.”  - Psychology Today
So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.
But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.
I learned to love myself.  I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.
A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply. Or, read this post on “The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman“.
If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.
*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.
Photo credit: Jaclyn Auletta

Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman

A girl jumps from one social circle to another, making fast friends that don’t last. A woman values her deep friendships and nurtures that bond with time, gratitude, energy and thoughtfulness.

A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.
1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).
3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous
8. A girl does not respect her body.  She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah
9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah
10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…
Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:
11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.

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She is a preacher who sees nothin wrong with exposing her bust while spreading the word. Her sermons aptly named "The Gospel From The SKRIPPER POLE" gets a lot of fans, mostly men.
See a picture of her while giving one of her recent sermons;

READ MORE:  http://news.naij.com/26202.html

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How to End Your Fear of Love

Love is a very complicated thing. It is one of the most common emotions in the world. One word cannot truly express the meaning of love, so it is only natural that a fear of love can develop in anybody, you, your sister, even the person next to you Maybe you're afraid of being loved, or you're afraid of falling in love. Whatever the case, and whatever your past experiences that may have caused this fear, you can turn your fear into love.

1)

Figure out what you're actually afraid of. There is a good chance that you are not afraid of love itself, rather, something more specific. For example, you may think you're afraid of being loved, when in reality, you fear getting to know a person who is interested in you. Or, you may think you are afraid of falling in love, when you are actually afraid of losing control in your life.

2

Identify a cause for your fear. Once you know what you are afraid of, figure out if there is something that caused you to fear it. In most cases, a fear can be caused by past experience. Maybe you got to know someone a couple of years ago and you realized that they were not who you originally thought they were. Or, maybe you used to be madly in love with someone and all of your other interests and hobbies suffered because of it. 

 

3

Figure out what you learned from the experience, instead of blaming yourself over and over. If that person wasn't who you thought they were, then now you know that you shouldn't assume that you know someone, when you barely know them. Or, if the person you were madly in love with was detrimental to all of your other interests, then you now know you should find someone that supports your interests and hobbies and is a positive influence on your life.

4

Work on conquering your fear, keeping what you've learned in mind. It won't happen overnight. In fact, you shouldn't try to make it disappear at once, or you will overwhelm yourself. Face your fear as much as possible over a long period of time until it no longer is a fear for you anymore. 

 

5

Realize that it's all right if you fail at love. Everyone fails at love at some point or another so you're not alone. 

 

 SOME USEFUL TIPS 

 

• Concerning the common worry, "Is he/she the right one for me?," or , "Should I ask him/her out?," remember that you probably never will be 100% sure. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and learn from it if it doesn't work out. But if it does, you will be very glad you took a chance and made it happen.
• Don't worry about whether or not you're beautiful or ugly. Everyone's beautiful in their own special way. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise, and believe it.
• Don't idolize this person. They have flaws too.
• Be yourself! People will notice if you're trying to be someone else. The best thing you can be is yourself. If they don't like you for who you are, then they're not worth it.
• Don't over-think - use your heart!
• Have confidence in yourself! And be sure to love yourself!
• Be real and don't dress or act in ways that are not true to yourself.
• Good luck!
• There's someone for everyone

• Nobody wants to be lonely! So if you think about it, would you rather try your hand at love or just give up and be alone your whole life? Everyone is a pretty decent person and kind.
• You will have many good experiences and bad experiences when it comes to love. You may feel the desire to just give up. You should never completely give up. Instead, choose a different path.
• Sometimes people can't find love because of their high expectations for a potential relationship. Sometimes it's just best to settle for less as long as the person you're eyeing is a decent person in all respects.
• Don't be sad if you have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. There are other people who have never had a relationship before so you're not alone.
• There is somebody for everybody out there. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to give it time and someone new will come along. Time heals all wounds. All you have to do is give it time.